I literally fell today

 I think I discovered something I hadn't really thought about recently. 

I realized I'd been not thinking about the way I felt about someone. 

I realized I was happy when I heard they were having trouble with their relationship.... I realized how gross a thought that was. Why would I think that? Why would I care? Why wouldn't I feel anything other than sympathy? Why would I feel that way? 

I was ignoring it. 

I'd really been pushing the idea away. 

But now the thought in my head is pushing to the front of my mind until it's all I think about. To the point that I'm excited about a simple little lunch. 

And I fell. Literally fell on the shiny, slick linoleum on the way to the restaurant. And when they extended their hand to help me up rather than laughing at me... I felt the thing. The thing I didn't think I felt. The thing I was ignoring. 

A desire. A desire to know that kind side more. To talk about our interests more. To go to Waffle House, festivals, travel Europe... A desire to hold on to that feeling. To see you laugh the way you do. 

I'm smitten. 

Gross.